Ever wondered what you wanted to do with your English Major?
For the last two days I have been contemplating between acting lessons and writing lessons. I don’t know which to choose out of the two. And lately I have been thinking about my future and where I want to go in the next five to ten years. My teacher suggested that I should get a MFA in English, my career adviser says I should get a degree in Creative Writing and go into film or go into editorial work, either as a writer, poet or editor. Musical Theater teacher says that I should take a chance, take a leap into the theater world, my friends says I should continue to sing and my cousin says that I be on the stage. And my family believes I should go the safe path and be a teacher.
Though I tell them that I would be horrible teacher. Constantly telling them how I rant, lose track of my thoughts, have a terrible way of explaining things and a lack of leadership abilities and traits. They believe that teaching is the only path I can take when majoring in English. I don’t know what’s the true path for me, but I know that there is something more within me. Than teaching. And though I love my teachers and I know that teaching is important. I know within me are novels yet to be published, are poems screaming to be heard are songs tickling the hairs of my tongue, scripts waiting for me to read, are TV shoes desiring to be viewed and words wishing to be written.
Maybe I’m going the wrong path, but I believe that I can only find the right path by trying out my dreams. Even if they sound impossible. I know that I will regret not taking the leap.
“Potential, a talent, a poetic writer, an imaginative creator… but not a mechanical or technical literate. You are one that loves to the break the rules of writing, one who forces the readers to think and one that completely writes from the standpoint of your own voice instead of the tradition of expression” I was told this today by my Intro to Fiction Writing teacher.
As a young African American woman writer, getting this advice was both encouraging and difficult. To hear that you have a talent for something you consider to be a knack, a hobby, a get away from reality is astounding, mind bobbling and almost as if it was heavenly revelation from God his self. That to hear someone say you have potential is something that both amazes and scares you.
Amazed that something you considered useless, pathetic almost non-existent to actually have worth is exhilarating. And yet to see that though you have all the capabilities of becoming slightly “good” you are not “good” but merely a step above the Average Joe is frightening.
To wonder what other’s think of your writing, your ideas, your thoughts is scary. And though I fear confrontation and judgement. I feel that my heart leads me onward through the thick of the fight. Whether this potential is just a nice word she says to cover her inner thoughts, or a real word of advice does not matter anymore. What matters now is making sure where I fault becomes better.
For if her potential was mere lies, then I will turn it into the truth. I will make the bare desolate earth bear fruit through sheer will, and make it abound with life forever more.
“Potential” in my life means, the ability to do something that seems either to be a mere thought or an idea.