Is there a choice- being Privileged?


Growing up in one of the richest towns of NJ, which is jammed packed into various of classes from the super rich to super poor. I am witness to those who are privileged and those who are not privileged. In high school, I witnessed as those who were privileged slowly look down upon those who were not and those who were not ridicule and put to shame those who were.

As a person who is a strange bag of privileged (both of my parents went to college, my grandfather owns 2 homes in my town, 2 apartment buildings in NY and a secondary vacation home in PA. And though I reside in the lower portion of town, I can say I have blessed with extravagant gifts and have visited various of places to which my neighbors and fellow non-privileged counterparts cannot say they went) I am also not privileged (because I am also an African-American middle class female which means that I am double a whammy. Not only am I the target of racism but sexism. Talk about harsh.)

So I consider myself a neutral. Yes, sure I can flaunt my status and possessions as materialistic evidence that I am well off in comparison to others, but the color of my skin and body shape cannot deny that I am at a loss for certain things in life.

One thing I have learned about the privileged is that there are some that does place their privileged-ness as a badge, they speak to others who aren’t and state that they didn’t choose to be who they are. And you know what, your right. But only seeing the world through your privileged eyes is a choice and that is what non-privileged people don’t like.

They (non-privileged) don’t like it when you shame them for who they (non-privileged) are,  they (non-privileged) don’t like it when you speak about non-privileged life when you have never lived and spoken to someone who lives it but flaunt your so called information as truth, they (non-privileged) don’t like it when you try to say it’s not choice (to be privileged) but you refuse, absolutely refuse, to see theirs (non-privileged) as not a choice; they (non-privileged) don’t like it when you ignore their circumstances, and finally they (non-privileged) don’t like it when you separate them (non-privileged) from the rest of society.

I am not putting down privileged people because I am one of those privileged people. All I am saying is this:

“Privileged- being who are is not a choice. Your right. You was lucky and blessed to be who you are. But don’t forget for a minute, don’t ignore for a second that it is a blessing. And it is blessing that was incidentally given to you. You didn’t deserve it, because nobody deserves being a starving child in a third-world country. Yes your parent’s worked hard (just like mines) but don’t forget that their parent’s worked hard as well and there is no difference between their efforts. They might have had different results but both teams works equally to get it. (A painter and a sculptor both work equally hard to get their artworks. Though the sculptor gains a sculpture, and the painter a painting. They both worked equally to gain their prize.) You must understand that your parents might have gained more rewarding results in comparison to others. Sadly in this society. If you live in a certain area (due to lack of money) and work at a certain job (lack of education or racism or sexism limitations) sometimes no matter how hard you work, you only get certain results. Some people live in a limited society  that no matter how hard they work, their efforts due to environment, background and yes OTHERS can cause their results to be fruitless.

Yes maybe they didn’t have their parents working hard because they are orphans or their parents just don’t care for them. At times like those, you should be thankful to have someone who loves and cares for you. Or thankful to be born in a blessed family (even if they don’t love or care for you) And you should look at those who don’t have parents not with pity but with admiration. They was able to live on without love in their life. Understand that and it takes a lot of strength to live in a world filled with hatred and help those who can’t find their way. Don’t let these people go on to be criminals and blame their circumstances, but help them to get back on their feet and live the right way. Not because you know the right way, but because you are blessed with the ability to help someone out and to find the right way.

Being privileged is not a status, it’s not something that you just live with. But blessing, an ability to help others.

So you have more education than others, use it to teach those who can’t get it. You have more money, use money to help others who don’t have it. Whether that is setting up a business that supplies jobs to those who needs it, opening a hospital in towns where people can’t get proper health care or something else useful to the world. But don’t, please don’t just say, “Well I am privileged and that’s that!” NO!! Why not use your privilege to actually bring prosperity to yourself but OTHERS.

It’s not choice of being born, it’s a choice of living. Do you want to be looked upon as ignorant blessed person or as a human being who not only earned their title but has been called such because others have granted it to them due to their kindness, wisdom and actions.

Being Privileged- your right is not choice, but living your ignorance-is. And that choice is one I don’t like, you shouldn’t either.

I will be speaking to the non-privileged in the next diary entry!! For now that’s it!




2 Hours Worth of Sleep and buttload of Finals


I hate finals, its like no matter how good of a student I am during the year. I always find myself panicking around this time till the point where I am cramming till it is 30 minutes before the test or essay is given (of course it takes me 15 minutes to get to school and an extra 5 to find my class, so if I am home this of course lessens the time I actually have).

Especially since I haven’t been in the mood this semester, I simply lack the will and drive to improve myself. Until of course later this year. Where I finally decided upon focusing myself to a single task and that is a writing major.

As of right now, the only thing that is keeping me awake and possibly functional (as a human being) is a 1/2 bottle of 5 hour energy, vitamin water (which is jammed packed with sugar) and a small amount of substantial nutrients (bacon).

During these times, I wonder if undergraduate school is it worth it? If it even counts in a world that pushes so much for higher degrees for the simplest of jobs. I realize that this is only the beginning, that undergraduate doesn’t mean anything in this world. And in fact, I have to spend another possible 200,000 or further become more in debt to society in order to get a job (and I would be even lucky to even get a high paying job that actually covers my needs and quickly pays off me debt.)

I’m beginning to feel as if society just might be screwing with me….. But right now I am too tired to continue in these thoughts.

Do I Continue or Stop here?


So today was my final “Singing for the Actor” and as my fall semester quickly comes to an end. I wonder if I should continue in my minor. I was recently discovered an old friend of mines from high school was graduating. I never felt more proud for her. I was truly happy for her. But I began to wonder how long I have been in college. I have lost tracked of the years to be honest. And the more and more I thought about it, more and more I wondered if getting a minor in musical theater was really worth it.

Was I really actually going to use my minor or was it holding me back from graduating. With two minors under my belt, I discovered that with the more time I added to my skills. The more classes I had to take which meant the more time I would have to spend in college. Not that I am ready for the real world. But I began to wonder maybe it was time to let go of the old desire of Broadway. And if I was really into musical theater, maybe it’s time to make it a major for graduate school.

I wondered where my minor has taken me and if it was possible to continue in it. Not that I have never dreamed of being on the stage. I have but I want so many things in life, but I have to focus on one thing at a time right now.

But if I drop a minor it doesn’t mean I quit on the dream, in fact there are plenty of other ways for me to still continue in my musical dreams. I could take up classes outside of classes, audition more and possibly try out for the musical theater major at another college. But I know that I don’t have much time left in college (at least as undergraduate) and with the cost of it going up each year. I think it’s about time I trim myself.

I end my minor this year, it doesn’t mean I gave up on my dream. But rather it just means I must find another way to my dreams. That might mean, depending on my own skills and on God to find a way.

I’m Back!!!!


Hey Everyone,

I’m back!!! Sorry for my absence-life has certainly happened to me. Bad things and good things, confusing things and clear things. But one thing I can say for sure- is I am so happy my Christmas Break is coming up for school. This year has been a laid back and sadly hard year for me.

I tried to take a break this year by taking less classes but ended up being so lazy this year that I didn’t care enough for my classes to take them seriously. Now I’m just praying that I can graduate from college, get my degree, get a decent job and go to graduate school and finally determine my career.

So this year I have accomplished much: I have entered my Junior year of College, happily celebrating my year anniversary with my handsome boyfriend and typing on my new fancy computer (which I built with my bf) as well as purchased myself a new Wacom Companion 2.

This year I have determined within myself to live my life for myself. Meaning: I am going to live my life more confidently.

That means going back to writing everyday, drawing everyday, singing everyday and caring about my future. For too long I have let my shyness and pessimistic teenage years drag me down. As I approach 22 (yes 22!!) I am beginning to think about what I actually want from life and from myself.

What do I want from my life? Happiness. I want to be happy or rather joyful. I wish to find joy in all situations, to live out my life and know that I am doing things that drive me to a better future. I want to enjoy my life and everyday. I want to understand myself and understand the world around me even more than I did before.

So I want to tell you guys- that I am back! And I am not only back for good but possibly forever through all trials of life. I hope you guys join me on this journey.

-Christine D.

Acting, Writing or Teaching….


For the last two days I have been contemplating between acting lessons and writing lessons. I don’t know which to choose out of the two. And lately I have been thinking about my future and where I want to go in the next five to ten years. My teacher suggested that I should get a MFA in English, my career adviser says I should get a degree in Creative Writing and go into film or go into editorial work, either as a writer, poet or editor. Musical Theater teacher says that I should take a chance, take a leap into the theater world, my friends says I should continue to sing and my cousin says that I be on the stage. And my family believes I should go the safe path and be a teacher.

Though I tell them that I would be horrible teacher. Constantly telling them how I rant, lose track of my thoughts, have a terrible way of explaining things and a lack of leadership abilities and traits. They believe that teaching is the only path I can take when majoring in English. I don’t know what’s the true path for me, but I know that there is something more within me. Than teaching. And though I love my teachers and I know that teaching is important. I know within me are novels yet to be published, are poems screaming to be heard are songs tickling the hairs of my tongue, scripts waiting for me to read, are TV shoes desiring to be viewed and words wishing to be written.

Maybe I’m going the wrong path, but I believe that I can only find the right path by trying out my dreams. Even if they sound impossible. I know that I will regret not taking the leap.