For the last month from October 8th till today November 14th, it has been the most amazing month for me. I haven’t dated a lot of guys. In fact I have only been serious about 3 out the 8 guys I have dated in my life. And the first one lasted on sheer willpower and nothing else. I have always been attracted to guys I could never have and took a chance on guys I normally I wouldn’t consider to be prize material. But this guy, he’s different.
So when I woke up this morning, to find in his hands a small bouquet of roses with a card attached and breakfast in the other hand. I discovered myself finally accepting what I have been feeling for this guy for the last three weeks.
My sweet T, is goofy, tall, a used to be fat kid (not in a offensive way! He used to be 400 pds before meeting me and is trying to lose weight. He has made it so far, I’m so proud of him. He’s trying to stay healthy.) And yes he is a bit of a dirty mouth but also polite, understanding and a young comedian. My snufflelogus is everything I would overlook or be terrified of (he’s super tall, 6’6 in fact. And before and even now, for some reason I am extremely intimidated by super tall people. I’m 5’5 just give you an idea of how much of a height difference there is between us). My bubble butt though flawed is my special guy.
When I am away from him I feel edgy and yearn to be by his side. I think about the warmth of his body, the scent of his nape, the feel of his skin. When I’m with him I want time to slow time and to never leave his side. ( In fact everytime I leave him, I feel a little lonely. Cause I feel he’s the only one who gets me and accepts me, for me.) When I’m out with him I don’t care about others and how they look at us and our goofiness, he’s the only one in the world for me. And even if he does something silly, I can’t help but laugh with all my heart. When I go all nerdy and game freaky, he accepts me for my love of games, cartoons and animes. When I think of something he always thinks of it first before I can even say it.
One night when his friends was over and I was super drunk. I remember I made him slightly mad and I remember I sat on his lap and took his cheeks in my hands. And told him, “You are different, you are special” and that though I may connect with others differently. When I’m with him, its like nothing else matters. (Even remembering this now my stomach aches) I told him, that he is special. That out of all the guys I have dated. He was special.
So when I read the card attached to the small bouquet of roses and saw this small message inside:
Christy, you mean a lot to me. So much so that I rushed buying this gift for you and mispelled your name!
I’m glad we took a chance on each other.
So many more fun times and laughs ahead.
There was only one thing on my mind.
If only I could tell him at that moment, what I have been holding in my chest since that night I called him special.
“I love you.”
And I know only a month passed. But I can’t help whispering it when I see him go, when he kisses my lips, when he holds me hands, when he warms my skin. I can’t help thinking these words. That yearn to slip between my lips, to tickle his ears, to stain the air.
One day I hope to tell him, I want to tell him. And when I do.
I hope to hear him, say….
“I love you too.”
My special guy.